We folks in recovery have lots of chances to help what we can “the still sick and suffering addict”, but few are as daunting – or as rewarding – and going into prisons and jails. That can be even more intimidating for women (although it’s plenty intimidating for us guys), especially if they’ve never been inside any sort of lock up.
So I wanted to highlight two Nashville women in recovery, Lauren O. and Rachel G., who regularly bringing 12-step meetings and workshops into jail and prison.
Lauren, 24, has three years sober, and it wasn’t that long ago that she was in and out of jail as an inmate — 12 times to be exact.
Lauren has been through jail and both misdemeanor and felony drug court treatment programs in Nashville, on a variety of charges, including drug possession, theft and contempt for not showing up for court appearances.
“I was on the run,” she said.
When Lauren, of Donelson, would get caught and spend several months in a row in jail, she remembers well the women in recovery who would bring meetings inside.
“They were so kind. They would hug us,” she said.
“A lot of people fear touching inmates. But they would hold us and touch us and we would cry,” Lauren said.
“The hope they brought with them was that there’s life outside the walls. And the hope came from people who were using [drugs] like me.”
Lauren was so moved by these women that she decided when she got out, she’d do the same thing.
So Lauren started telling the corrections officers (COs) that after she was released, she was gonna come back and bring meetings to this very jail.
Some COs nodded, others laughed. They’d seen Lauren come in and out in handcuffs too many times.
When Lauren was released this last time, she got really active in recovery fellowships. And she eventually applied to be a jail volunteer, but Metro turned her down. Jail officials wants volunteers to be completely free of probation or parole before they come back in.
Eight months later, still on probation, Lauren got a call saying she was cleared to volunteer in jail.
What happened?
“God,” Lauren said.
The first time she went back to jail as a volunteer, Lauren was nervous.
“Going back in, I was nervous about seeing who I was going to run into. Oh, and what if they had a hold on me from another county and they didn’t let me out?” she said.
“But mostly, I had major major gratitude. It was very humbling to realize how far God and the program and my sponsor had brought me.
“When I pulled up and was walking up the jail, I thought I was going to start crying. I was very humbled.”
Those COs who’d laughed at her saying she’d come back as a volunteer? “They were shocked to see me. And happy.”
Lauren says her jail service work is the most fulfilling.
“I have a passion for inmates. I get it. They did things because of drugs and alcohol. They didn’t do things because they’re bad people,” she said. “I’m not a bad person. I get it.
“Inmates, they’re people just like us. We’re able to get sober before them, that’s the only difference. Helping other addicts and alcoholics. These people deserve the same help and hope, and respect,” she said. “It’s not what you see on TV. It’s just not.
“That’s all I can really say about that.”
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Rachel G., 34, of Antioch, has nearly two years clean, and only two days in jail, for a DUI in Kentucky.
So when she heard announcements at her home group about jail meetings, Rachel hesitated.
“Of course I had prejudiced ideas, the women being very masculine, very aggressive, bitter and resentful, blaming other people; that’s what I expected,” she said.
Still, Rachel, a teacher, felt drawn to the jail meetings.
“I knew I’d worked with a lot of their kids. I wanted to help the parents to help the students,” she said.
Plus, Rachel added, “I was so miserable in my life and this has changed my life so dramatically, maybe my story can help some of them become better parents and better humans.”
Still, Rachel said she was a bit nervous for that first meeting.
“I didn’t know what to expect. But I was with ladies I highly respect. I didn’t know what I was doing, but they did. I was really quiet my first time.”
And dare I say, with tons o’ love and respect, that Rachel is not often quiet.
With time and experience, Rachel became more comfortable sharing in those jail meetings.
And she made an interesting discovery.
“I realized those women were exactly like me. They’re me. And I’m just them.
“I’ve heard this said — life’s not fair, and I’m glad because if life were fair, I’d be in jail for the rest of my life. Those women are serving my time.”
Why are jail meetings more powerful than those on the outside?
“They’re really thirsty for another way. In other meetings, they don’t pay attention so much. Sometimes you don’t feel heard. But women in jail, they’re so eager.
“If you can connect with someone at their raw and most vulnerable state, it’s more powerful. It’s very uplifting. It’s inspiring. You feel like you’ve made a difference.”
For Rachel, it’s her favorite part of recovery.
“I feel a lot of gratitude when I walk in – and when I walk out.”
Thanks so much to Lauren and Rachel for sharing their experience.
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